so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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