U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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