I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
