i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
