get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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