Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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