my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
