Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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