I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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