I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
