i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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