I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
