he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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