Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize