I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
