apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
