but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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