I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
