hell yes lets make some ravioli
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
