as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
