We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize