I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
