...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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