haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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