last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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