Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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