You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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