We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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