I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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