Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
