What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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