Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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