I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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