Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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