Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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