I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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