he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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