i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
