I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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