He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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