What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
