if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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