Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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