I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
