there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
