he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
