Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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