Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
