I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
