Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
