Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
