Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
