i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
