Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
