So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
