Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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