trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
