I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
