i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
