I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
