apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
