the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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