Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
