Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize